The How To Guide for Surviving A Zombie Apocalypse

23 12 2010

Zombies are invading !!!! there’s no denying that there’s a zombie spike in mainstream media, its either movies or books so i’ll go with the flow and write a post on zombies, but not any post !

in this post we will give your crucial tips and guide on how to survive if the dead roamed the earth, what will you do ! how will you respond to the situation ?

Dye Your Hair 

zombies arent picky eaters, they will eat everything that lay in their ways from house pets to fat greasy humans, but they are in a short supply of brains, once the the plague hits and claims more and more of the human populations they will suffer a shortage in brains , so what can you do then ?

Dye your hair blonde, we all know that blondes dont have a single hint of an intellect hence a defective braincells or a missing brain all together proven to us by Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, so count on the fact that humans ( now turned zombies ) wont touch you cause of the above mentioned names .

Dont Shower for Weeks

We all had something rotting in our rooms while we were growing up, that what zombies smells and more, being dead and cursed to roam the earth while you rot wont smell nice, and we as humans love to let ourselves go after a break-up or a desprate phase so why not the end of the world ?

Pictured Above : An Improving Chance Of Survival

 so the perfect solution is not showering for weeks so you can blend in and catch their scent,and even mingle with the hordes and check out the babes, they will put out without all that emotions and love crap, if your a grown up male its your time to shine .

Kill All Your Relatives

Love them or hate them you are stuck with your family so if you have a vendetta against someone here’s your chance, you can explain yourself by saying it was an act of love or compassion to save them from the torment of being a brainless cold zombies .

its a win-win situation even if you tried to march through with them piggybacking on you they will eventually be bitten and turn into a zombie, if not they are going to consume all your ration and your chance of survival will drop, so basically become a World Of Warcraft player and live without any human communication .

Zombie Survival Training Camp

Take Care Of Your Group

If you broke the rule above dont worry we will help either ways, even if you are stubborn and didn’t listen to guide and dont deserve to live, but its the end of the world so we will cut you some slack, lets say you can’t live without your soulmate or parent and you want to be the hero, what can you do ?

Stick together to improve your chances of survival by chatting on current events and weather changes to waste some time, keep your family close to you and feed them well so that they can get fat and slow, and never split up unless you are using your partner as a bait so that you can escape.

That should keep them occupied for 15 mins
Dont Be Black If You Are Then Just Kill Yourself Already
im not being racist but all the zombie movies proved that black men and women never survive
The only black guy that survived long enough to become a zombie at the end of the movie courtesy of ” Night Of the Living Dead Remake ”
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6 responses

23 12 2010
Anonymous

I find this disturbing on so many levels…

So is that black cat still hovering around your place?

24 12 2010
Crescendo

it was meant to disturb but its fun to laugh at these things from time to time ( just dont make it a habit or u will be classified as a psychopath )

and as for the black cat thingy, i wrote this whole post while i was pissed from my jinxy week so i guess its remnants are still around ;p

9 01 2011
Q80outsider

9 01 2011
Crescendo

LOOOOOOL i loved it , its a surprise i never heard of it before . thanks you made my day ;p

13 01 2011
Mohammad

LOOOOOOOOOOOL @ “Take Care Of Your Group”

Hathi Malat Mo6ran ;p

13 01 2011
Crescendo

Then they will have a higher survival rate .

and the world will be repopulated by them , if there's anyone left that is 😛

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